Way better than figgy pudding

I’m entering a contest for holiday food on marxfoods.com, so I thought I would share the recipe here.

I like this recipe because it is hard to mess up. I’m usually a few drinks in by the time dessert is served and this recipe is very forgiving.

1 or 2 figs per person
2 cups of good port (I like Kopke)
1 oz creamy blue cheese per person (St. Agur is fantastic)
pinch of salt

1. heat the port in a saute pan to a light simmer (about 180 F)
2. score the figs with an X on top where the stems were (this lets the sugars out into the port and adds a little color to the plate)
3. add the figs to the port and toss in the salt
4. simmer until the figs are soft, but still have some structure, about 10 minutes
5. while still warm, put the figs onto a spot of blue cheese
6. turn up the sauce and really slam it until its reduced to about half a cup.  it should be syrupy and hold its shape on the plate.

Getting Drunk for Baby Jesus

Old Fashioned Real Deal Egg Nog
serves 2 – 40 people

Shopping List
18 eggs (the best you can get)
1 cup of sugar
1 pint heavy whipping cream
1 quart of whole milk
1 tsp. vanilla extract
fifth of Old Crow Bourbon
pint of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum
fresh ground nutmeg and cinnamon

To Do
separate eggs and beat yolks with sugar until they are pale yellow
mix in all the booze and the milk
beat egg whites until soft peaks form
fold together with yolk/booze mixture
beat whipping cream with vanilla extract to stiff peaks
fold into mixture
let stand for 30 minutes to let foam rise to the top
grate spices on top

When serving, make sure you get nog and not just foam into everyone’s glass. Keep refrigerated and make sure everyone knows there are raw eggs in it.

Variations:
1. steep star anise, whole cloves and/or vanilla bean in the milk over low heat for 15 minutes and cool to room temp before adding to yolks
2. use better bourbon
3. use 1 pint chai tea concentrate and 1 pint half and half instead of milk

Mystery Basket

On Monday we came into class and were told we were having a mystery basket challenge. These happen at The Culinary Olympics and at most culinary competitions. Basically your team is given a bunch of ingredients and told to make a certain number of courses. You also have access to a pantry of everyday ingredients like onions, salt, butter etc. . .

Here’s what we were given
1st course: 1 whole trout, 1/2 lb mussels, 1/2 lb clams, 4 whole squid
main course: 1 lb pork shoulder, 1 lb leg of lamb, broccoli rabe, starch of your choice
dessert: canned pineapple

We had 45 minutes to write a menu and assign tasks and 2 hours and 15 minutes to cook everything.

I’m sort of the de-facto leader of my group so I decided I wanted the seafood first course. One of the guys on my team immediately asked to do dessert and came up with a pineapple ginger soufflé that was very successful. The two guys who screw everything up and can’t think for themselves were set up to fail with the protein for the main course (I’m pretty much done covering for them). They cut the meat up and boiled it. It was so bland that I ended up fixing it and making a sort of irish stew that was pretty good. So I guess I did end up covering for them. I just can’t stand sending out food that sucks, even if it’s not mine. I just wish they weren’t so dumb that they think they did a good job.

Here’s what I made:

Cioppino (pronounced chip-EEN-oh) is seafood stew that was made up in the North Beach area of San Francisco when it was a fishing town. You basically make tomato soup (not creamy) with some spice from red chilies and add whatever seafood you have around. The trick to it is that different ingredients have different cooking times. The squid has to cook at least an hour, the mussels cook about 7 minutes, the clams cook about 5 minutes and the trout is really delicate and would get lost in the soup. I cooked the trout separately and served it on top, which my chef thought was particularly inspired. While the soup was stewing, I made focaccia for the first time. It came out pretty good. Chef actually like it better than I did.

Next week is all finals and then a few weeks off. And new groups, thank god.

How I got “Hey Mistered” by a 75 year old and was then almost murdered

Yesterday I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building. From above I heard an old man’s voice call down, “Hey buddy.” I looked up. “Can you go to the store for me?”

“Sure,” I answered, and asked him his apartment number so I could go to his door. After I knocked on his door he told me his name was Ron and he needed me to go the liquor store because he “wasn’t allowed in there anymore.” No groceries though. Both the liquor store and the grocery are a block away so I thought, sure why not, and said so. He wanted a handle of McCormick whiskey, but who am I to judge?

When I got back with the booze he offered me a drink, and since I had a paper to write, I accepted. He asked me to make sure I closed the door behind me. He poured himself about 10 oz. of whiskey straight into a coffee mug with a broken off handle. I had about an ounce. We talked for a minute about how he used to be a cook and he burst into tears for second, presumably about lost opportunities. Then I had the most frightening conversation of my life.

“My nickname’s ‘Buck.’ Do you know why they call me ‘Buck?’”

” . . . Because you’re a hunter?”

“Nope. ‘Cuz I’m a killer.”

While saying this he had taken a pair of large scissors from the table we were sitting across, opened them up all the way and was holding them in one hand.

Take a second to let that all sink in.

This all happened in less time than it took you to read this, so it took a moment for my heart to start racing. Also could have been the whiskey. I’m leaving you in suspense on purpose so as to build tension. I hope you don’t mind.

He then proceeded to lunge the scissors towards that little plastic thing that makes the whiskey pour slowly. He removed the offending plastic, set the scissors down, and continued talking about cooking in Sacramento in the sixties. At this time I politely excused myself, citing homework and a Blazer’s game and fled his apartment and ran up the stairs to mine.

I’ve been wracking my brain for a way to conclude this. Some sort of life lesson or Just-So story. I can’t. It was just scary.

Don’t talk to strangers.

Pig Pumpkin

I got the job at Porta . . .

. . . as the dishwasher. But its okay. I made some salads this weekend too. The dude who was checking out another job opportunity decided not to take it, so he’s back. But the former dishwasher, who I have class with, was sort of fired-sort of quit and I got his job. But its okay that I’m the dishwasher and here’s why: last night for dinner I had fresh made gnocchi with cream-cabbage-pancetta sauce and house made sausage. I also had a large amount of mussels and some grilled octopus head. We only serve the tentacles, so we just eat the head in the kitchen. If you ever have an opportunity to eat octopus head, do it. It’s dope. Plus, you might save a ship.

Acorn Squash Soup

One of my group members and I were entrusted with scrounging through the walk-in fridge to come up with an appetizer. We found some acorn squashes, already halved and scooped. We decided to roast them with some cayenne pepper and make some soup. We saved out one of the halves to serve it in. It’s garnished with crispy proscuitto and fresh parmigiano-reggiano. It also has honey and nutmeg. Enjoy.

It’s hard to take a picture of your thumb

If something is called a “sizzle plate” don’t try to pick it up with your bare hand.

Porta

Sorry for not being super current on things.  Wireless is apparently a precious commodity in the Coos.

Last weekend I got a call from the chef at the best restaurant in town, Porta.  Chef Alex wondered if I was available to come in and work! Let me repeat: !  So even though Amanda came down to visit, I was working the whole weekend.  Turned out that my first day, Friday night, was their 1 year anniversary. We paused during service to have a glass of this.  Fortunately, they had a magnum, so there was plenty for all.

The restaurant is very small.  The kitchen is even smaller.  I learned all the salads and most of the cold appetizers.  By the end of Saturday I had learned them all and I think did a good job of plating them beautifully and in a timely fashion.  I also learned how to clean the grease off of most of the kitchen, most notably the vent system over the stove.  After service I sat down to rabbit pasta and a glass of this. From 1997.  Needless to say, they paired wonderfully.

The place is owned by the chef and his wife, Kaiza.  She runs the front of the house.  When its in full swing there are 3 servers, 3 cooks and a dishwasher.  The dishwasher is a kid in my class who started about 5 months ago and helps with the apps and salads a little as well.  The other cook, Tony, graduated from my program last year and is the closest thing I’ve found to a kindred spirit as far as food dorkery goes.  We’re trading books already.

On Sunday the restaurant was closed but we had a private party for friends and family of the restaurant.  They were nice enough to invite Amanda and I and not put me to work.  We drank good wine and ate tons of good food.  Highlights were oysters, elk tenderloin, and chanterelle risotto.  Amanda says mine is a bit better, but chef Alex was pretty far past drunk when he made it.  The dude is the shit in the kitchen.  The head chef and director of my school, Chef Hanlin was in the kitchen helping out so I am now very much in the incrowd at school.  I get to call him “Hambone” when I’m not at school.

I’m mostly going to be working weekends so Amanda and I will never see each other again, but everything else is pretty awesome right now.

Thursday Fun Day! Hooray!

Today was supposed to be “Thursday Boring Day.” Actually it was supposed to be “Production Lab.” Which is where the giant restaurant at the casino sends us enormous boxes of chickens or carrots and we cut them all up for them. For a couple hours. Good practice, I suppose, but not fun.

Fortunately, nothing came. So instead each team was given a flank steak, some shrimp, cream cheese, and phyllo dough. We were told to make a main course with the steak with our choice of veg and starch. The other ingredients were to go in an appetizer. We also had to make cookies.

Appetizer

Phyllo cup filled with lemon-dill cream cheese, topped with sautéed shrimp and shallot, finished with balsamic reduction

Main

Grilled flank steak in balsamic marinade with herbs de provence served with green beans, button mushrooms, and caramelized onions over fresh gnocci in a chanterelle* rosemary sauce

We made white chocolate macadamia nut cookies which disappeared before I could take a picture

Fortunately, I had found a giant rosemary bush outside my house yesterday and put some in my pocket this morning. That all went into the sauce. When chef tasted it she was surprised how good the rosemary was. At first she thought I was joking, but now we understand each other. I’m the guy with rosemary in my pocket.

I should note that my team kicks ass. I can in no way take credit for this whole thing. I had nothing to do with the app or the cookies except concept. I cooked the steak and made the sauce. The steak was, of course, dope. Ian made the cookies and helped me finish the sauce. Irena made the veggies and showed Ron how to make perfect gnocci. That is also her beautiful plate you see above. Sean made the app and Amanda did a little of everything. This Amanda is about six inches taller than me, 18 years old and hunts. Deer. So, no, I do not get confused. I get to be with these folks for 3 more weeks before we switch up teams, which I’m very excited about because we are definitely the best group.

*It is somewhat unclear as to whether the chanterelles were “up for grabs.” I was told to use whatever was in the walk-in. They were in the walk-in . . . behind onions, mangos and button mushrooms . . . in a sealed box . . . which I opened and resealed. Apparently there is a nice dinner tomorrow for some travel writers coming through town. My chef thought maybe the mushrooms were for that. She and I decided not to tell the head chef because they really brought the sauce together.